Enemy Attacks come at the weirdest times.....
Some days are just a struggle....today was one of those days....I rushed to pick my son up from daycare to go home and nurse him quick, then feed him his food, then attempt to look nice(which i must say i didnt even comb my hair since i ran during lunch because of course i forgot to pack my comb and flat iron), and rush out the door to the tea part at church. I was thinking i should be so happy---right?
Well, we get to the tea party and its like all i can think about is, "all these people have it all together and what is my problem?" Why am i so flippin frazzled all them time? Rush, rush, rush. Why cant I be calm. My son, who is amazing was practically quieter than a red poppy blooming in summer---during supper. THENNNNNNNN the time ya know when you are supposed to be quiet, yep you guessed it the tear factory gets ramped to 100 miles per hour! Ok, so now im thinking, "good job Amanda!!! You brought that freshly pumped bottle he will drink it no problem" WRONG....yes, its then that you sense every mom and well, non-mom in the room looking, staring, and judging your own "MOM ABILITIES" Which if your a mom, know is very sensitive.
So i took him into a side room. What did my ears hear? Silence! Then he caught sight of the lovely little Violet. But all he wants is her BIG FLUFFY RED dress. Oh dear, there he goes grabbing her dress so hard that if her momma wasnt there to stabilize her she surly would have been head first into the carpet. Then i think, "oh gosh people must think Im a bad mom because my son is picking on a little girl"
Ok, so he would not take the bottle. Ummmm ok i will nurse him. But i have a dress on....ok its hillbilly time as i like to think. Oh and you know i forgot the blanket out where all the people are singing. So here goes, i guess i will just pray no one walks in to get an eye full! In the process of getting my poor tired baby situated and he bonked his head on the arm rest and starts screaming. ANDDDDDDDDDDDDD cue: mommy cries. Yep not even going to lie! I think, can i get any worse as a mom than this? So at this point I gather myself together enough to brave the crowd and quickly collect our things and we leave.
Driving home. I think about all my friends who ya know....HAVE IT ALLLLL TOGETHER. Whats wrong with me? I mean my friend Meghan keeps it all together. She's perfect, she works outside the home, successfully nursed beyond 1 year, and her home is always clean-not just picked up i mean clean. Then theres Rachel who has 2 kids under 2 years old and is the most organized and driven person i have met in quite some time and always seems to have her hair done?? How does that happen?? Then theres Ruth Ann,ok to sum it up she can make-do-solve anything. To broaden it she makes homemade lotion, clothe diapers, and is a walking "real life encyclopedia". And a newer friend Christy who appears to be the calmest mother of 4 kids i have ever seen. yes, and she is like Miss America beautiful. Oh, and then theres Beka, shes my Hollywood friend. She has two model children, is like a local celeb photog, and always....and i mean always can front a smile no matter what it seems. All these woman are beautiful, and somehow again I am amazed they ALL always have there hair done???? I mean these are just a few of my friends....i could blog and blog about all my friends that HAVE IT ALLLLL TOGETHER.
ok, so 5 minutes prior to blog composition. God sweetly whispers, "You know that's not how i feel about you, Amanda! I made you, I will calm your heart, I will make you into a more patient mom and wife, I gave you strengthes.***SEE*** my promises!"
So, ok. I will end my pity party on this note.God did make me and you for different reasons. He gave you something He didnt give me. But He gave me something He didnt give you. BUT our Savior gives us all Grace. So right now, thats enough for me to have a little peace tonight.